A Definitive Choice
by heystella
Summary: He didn’t want to stop talking to her like she had requested – he still wanted her in his life. Rated for a limey scene, nothing too graphic. HeijiKazuha.


A Definitive Choice

by Kaiyrah

He didn't want to stop talking to her like she had requested – he still wanted her in his life. Rated for a limey scene, nothing too graphic. HeijiKazuha.  
Notes: Something that was supposed to be written really quick but somehow ended up 4000+ words. XD Written for Strawberrychan. Merry Christmas! Um, it's not very Christmassy, and it's even a little disturbing, but whatever. xD

DC equals not mine, just soz ya know. And the quote's not mine either.

---

Heiji never expected his first serious girlfriend to be his best friend growing up. To everyone else, though, it actually made sense – their fathers both worked for the Osaka Police Department, and they had known each other since they were in diapers. They went to school together and virtually spent all their time with each other.

But in Heiji's mind, Kazuha was like the nagging older sister figure.

And as for Kazuha, Heiji was the reckless little brother who had the habit of getting hurt all the time.

It was fine, it was good.

Until they started having feelings for each other.

Then things got messy.

---

The number one thing regarding breakups that Kazuha told him was, "Don't ever break up with a girl over the phone or instant messenger – do it face to face."

Heiji didn't listen to her. He broke up with her over the phone.

"It's just… things are really pushing me to my limit. You know? It's stressful. So… I don't think I can handle a relationship anymore. It's not really worth the effort."

_Not worth the effort._

_You're not worth the effort._

Kazuha choked back a sob, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Alright," she managed, and in a voice she considered surprisingly calm, "I understand, Heiji."

A relieved smile broke out onto his face. "Thank you so much for this, Kazuha. You're a lifesaver."

"What are friends for?" She asked with a fragile smile as silent tears rolled down her face. _Stop crying, damn it, stop crying, he'll know you're crying, stop it –_

"So I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"No, Heiji. I actually think it would be better if you didn't talk to me… or call me anymore. Is that alright?"

"Kazuha…"

She hung up without listening to his response.

---

That was only half of it. Truthfully, his feelings for Kazuha had begun to change somewhere along the line – he thought he knew, he thought he was fully in touch with his feelings, but apparently not.

He started thinking of his future. And he saw her in it. Living with him. Married to him. Having his children.

When his brain aligned with that type of thinking, he had plenty of reason to be scared. So he broke it off. But he didn't want to stop talking to her like she had requested – he still wanted her in his life.

He wanted her.

---

Her name was Inoue Sayaka. She had just transferred in from the Tokyo police department. When she first saw Heiji, she immediately recognized him as the equivalent to Kudou Shinichi – this was Hattori Heiji, the Detective of the West.

She was smart, and she was aiming to be a detective, as well. In a few obvious ways, one would say that she was his ideal match – _but she wasn't Kazuha_.

Her first two weeks passed by rather quickly, and she had spent a good amount of her time acquainting herself with the office.

Mostly with Heiji.

They started going out after two and a half weeks. But Heiji simply could not stop the pangs of guilt that would ebb at him whenever he passed by Kazuha in the office.

---

"But Kazuha-chan, you know that Hattori-kun didn't mean it that way. He tends to have a problem expressing himself. He probably meant something completely different."

Kazuha sighed heavily, stirring the soup in the pot with a ladle in her right hand, cradling the phone to her ear with her left. "I know, Ran-chan. I've known him for all 21 years of my life, so I know it well. But still. He said that the relationship wasn't worth the effort. Wouldn't you be sad on the off-chance that Kudou-kun said that to you?"

"Good point." The girl's voice sounded positively chagrined, as if she would inflict some kind of bodily harm on Kudou-kun if he ever said anything like that. Honestly, Kazuha wouldn't put it past her. "But if you're this bothered by it, shouldn't you go talk to Hattori-kun? Why let a good relationship go to waste?"

"He was obviously keeping something from me. He said he didn't want to make our relationship work, but a month later, he's going out with one of our coworkers. Doesn't that say something?" Kazuha responded, turning the burner off. A bitter smile etched itself onto her face. "In other words, he just doesn't want to be with me anymore. So I can't just be friends with him – it hurts too much."

_It hurts too much to see him happy with someone else._

---

They didn't bother to turn the lights on as they both stumbled inside the small motel room.

When he learned of their existence, Heiji swore that he would never resign himself to a lowly place like a love hotel. Apparently he had forgotten about this self-vow, and he didn't care as he slammed the door shut with his foot.

It was as if he were in another world, a time when things were better and she didn't hate him. His lips sought out hers in the dark, and she responded to his kiss with equal fervor. Her legs were wrapped around his torso, her pelvis grinding against his, and he let a groan pass his throat.

_She forgives you, She forgives you_, chanted a tiny voice triumphantly in his head. But his instinct told him that something was wrong with the situation. He chose to ignore it.

In a surge of kisses and eager hands, the zipper on her dress went down and the garment was shed. First her clothes, then his. With their naked bodies closely entwined, Heiji's breath on her neck, he pushed into her over and over again repeating the single name that was on his mind like a prayer. _Kazuha. Kazuha. Kazuha._

And she looked up at him in shock. Disbelief. Anger, embarrassment, even. "You just called me Kazuha."

Then it dawned on him that the dark hair fanned out on the pillow, the perfectly sculpted little face that peered up at him in the dark, the petite form that he crouched over – they belonged to Inoue Sayaka, not Toyama Kazuha.

---

The holiday party thrown for the police department was a big event that was held in two ballrooms in Osaka's ritziest downtown hotel. The Hattori family, Toyama family, and one other family sat together at one table for dinner.

Kazuha had not looked Heiji in the eye even once.

Their parents noticed, too, but they chose to stay silent.

It was when Kazuha was at the buffet table getting her food that Heiji decided to approach her. "Kazuha."

She tensed, gripping her plate to the point where her knuckles turned white. "I thought I made it clear that I didn't want you to speak to me anymore."

"Listen, I know it's been – " He placed a hand on her shoulder, which she quickly shrugged off.

"We don't need to have this conversation, Heiji," Kazuha answered quietly, moving down the table to fill her plate.

"No, actually, we do," the Kansai detective insisted.

"You're the one who ended it," she hissed. "Take responsibility. Do your part, okay? I did mine."

He snapped. In a single fluid motion, he imprisoned one of her forearms and started towards the exit. Kazuha dropped her plate onto the table, producing quite a loud sound. "Heiji, what the hell are you doing? Heiji! Heiji, listen to me, damn it! What's wrong with you?"

The ballroom became deathly quiet as Heiji dragged her out into the hallway away from sight.

Only when they were a good distance away from the door, Heiji released his vice-like grip on her arm. She raised her other hand and slapped him square across the face. "What the hell are you trying to pull?"

"It was a mistake to break up," he declared after a short pause, taking the time to rub his sore cheek. "A bad decision on my part. And I'm sorry. Okay? But these past two months have been hell. Not talking to you isn't as easy as I thought it would be."

She finally looked him in the eye and sighed. Heiji silently cursed himself, knowing that the tired, worn expression that she bore in her eyes was his fault. What he would do to turn back time –

"What do I do then?" Kazuha asked, leaning against the nearby wall. Her voice sounded suspiciously shaky, like she was about to break down. "What do you want me to do?"

He paused. "Come back to me." When she looked at him incredulously, he explained, "I let you go first, now come back to me. Let's start over."

"Heiji," she enunciated his name loud and clear, "It's not that simple. You don't just end a relationship because you claim you don't want to make the effort, start going out a girl a month later, and then go and ask your ex-girlfriend if she wants to get back together. It just doesn't work like that."

"That's why I'm not asking," he answered, and something dark began to brew in his eyes. "You have to come back – I demand you to – so we can start over."

A mix of anger and confusion crossed her face. "What the hell? What made you think that you had the authority to say that kind of stuff to me?"

He was silent, but the imposing force in his eyes remained.

Kazuha let out a frustrated breath. "See, this is why I was beginning to think that the breakup was a good thing. This is why you fail at relationships – because you're so damn selfish."

The detective narrowed his eyes at her.

"It's not all about you, Heiji," Kazuha continued, "Love is one of those things in life that you can't force – just grow up and accept that!"

Something flashed in his eyes, and for a moment, she thought that he was going to hit her – instead, he slammed both his palms against the wall on either side of her head. She was trapped. "Don't make the mistake of thinking that you're the only one hurting because of this," he growled.

"That doesn't make any sense!" she exclaimed, letting the tears flow freely. "I'm not the one who asked for a breakup – you did, remember?"

"And now I'm taking it back."

"But that's my point. You said first that you didn't want to make the effort to keep the relationship going. The Heiji I know would never go back on his word like he is right now."

"So what the hell do I have to do?" Heiji demanded. "Do I have to grovel, Kazuha? Do I have to get on my knees and beg?"

"Don't do anything," she answered, her brilliant green eyes still shining with tears. "If you really care about me, you'll leave me alone and let me live the way I want to."

He stared at her long and hard, to the point where she began to unconsciously shrink back against the wall. His face was coming closer and closer – He would never –

And he did. He kissed her, bringing his hands up to either side of her face to prevent her escape. It was rough and forceful; their first kiss – he'd never made the initiative to kiss her when they were still together. She hadn't imagined it would be like this. Her small hands fisted in his shirt, and she pounded his chest over and over again in attempt to break free.

For a half-second, Heiji parted with her lips. It was enough time to break free from his grasp and she backhanded his untouched cheek, causing him to buckle and bend toward the wall for a moment. She quickly departed before he could do anything in response.

---

Heiji sighed and rolled off of her, pushing a hand through his hair. He had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

"Heiji?" Sayaka asked timidly, bringing the white sheet up to cover her body. "Heiji? What's wrong?"

The detective shook his head as he reached down to the floor to grab his boxers. "Sorry, Inoue. This won't – we won't work." He gathered the rest of his clothes that he'd left in a pile on the floor and began to get dressed. "Hopefully you can find a guy who treats you better than I do."

Sayaka gathered the sheet to wrap around her thin frame. "Earlier, you said Kazuha." A pause. "That same Kazuha from the office… Is she your ex-girlfriend?"

He nodded slightly, avoiding eye contact.

"But if she's your ex, then you two must have broken up," Sayaka reasoned. "So why…"

Heiji made his way to the door before turning around and giving her an awkward smile. "Because… I guess it's because I think I'm in love with her."

---

"What do you want?"

Heiji frowned. "Some of your time. It's not that hard, Kazuha. Can you just look at me, at the very least?"

She couldn't. If she did, any self-control she had left would be thrown to the wind and her pride would disappear. "Go away."

"Can't you just listen to me? Hear me out for just a few minutes."

If he was that determined… She raised her head, her will resolute. "No."

---

The next two weeks of Kazuha's life continued on like that. Heiji would find any available time to seek her out at her desk, or find an excuse to walk her home, or even "coincidentally" show up at the places she had planned to go in her free time.

Every single time, without fail, he would ask her to talk to him again, and she would refuse.

"You're just doing this to protect your pride," she said bitterly to him one day.

"And so are you."

She realized grudgingly that he was right. Awfully persistent, too. Two weeks had passed by, and he showed no signs of giving up. When the third week rolled around, though, she didn't see him. Her father said that the boy had gone to Tokyo for a little bit.

The seat next to her on the train felt uncomfortably empty.

---

Heiji had been away for two weeks before he showed up at the office again, and when Kazuha saw him, there was something different about him. She couldn't place it, but it was definitely noticeable, whatever it was…

Her hand reached out and then she quickly pulled it back, as if she had touched fire. What was she doing? They weren't on good terms anymore – at least, she still wasn't on good terms with him

The young detective glanced her way and met her eyes. Then he remembered what Kudou said to him, and he turned to walk away.

_If you really think you're in love with her, you'll respect her wishes._

---

She never thought that listening to a single two-word message on her voice mail would make her so emotional.

It was him – no doubt about it, it was his voice, his tone, his Kansai-ben. She felt his heart, she empathized with him in two simple words, and she sensed the sincerity of his statement.

"I'm sorry."

The message sent fresh tears to her eyes, and she slumped to the floor of her apartment in a sobbing heap. Her feelings were as strong as ever.

_I'm sorry_.

---

The status quo remained for a few more weeks. Kazuha could not remember the last time she had a full eight hours of sleep. It showed on her face, too. Her father was concerned. But when asked, all that she replied with was, "I'm fine, Otou-san."

It was a Monday when Heiji walked into the office with a new woman on his arm. Kazuha suddenly felt a constricting feeling in her chest upon seeing them. 'Ignore them, ignore them,' she repeated to herself.

Oddly enough, wherever she was, she saw them standing together.

She took a deep breath, which took much more of an effort that she was used to making. "Good morning."

"Morning," Heiji replied, looking a bit alarmed. Perhaps he was caught off-guard that she had spoken to him?

"Toyama-san, is that really you?" the new girl asked curiously.

Kazuha raised an eyebrow. "Yamada-san?"

The girl squealed and enveloped her in a hug. "Oh my god! You look so good! I assume Hattori-kun's been treating you well?"

_You have no idea_. Even still, the question struck her as odd. Hadn't Heiji brought her in for a dual purpose? As Inoue Sayaka's replacement and also his newest girlfriend? Nevertheless, she answered, "I… guess you could say that."

At that moment, Heiji cleared his throat.

"Oh," Yamada's eyes widened. "Yeah, I have to go, Toyama-san. Hattori-kun is going to show me around the office so I can get acquainted with it. Can we catch up over coffee later?"

Kazuha smiled softly. "Sure."

---

"Look, there they are again," whispered one of her coworkers, pointing at Heiji and Yamada-san.

"Oh man, they're definitely going out."

Kazuha glanced in their direction and sighed, quickly turning back to her work. By now she was used to this kind of talk – along with people constantly asking her if she was alright and offering to beat up Yamada-san for supposedly "stealing her man."

"It's okay," she assured them all. "If Heiji decides to go out with her, that's his business."

"I feel so bad for Kazuha, though. I mean, her ex is right there, and he's going out with someone else. No matter what she says, I think she may still have feelings for him."

Her friend sharply elbowed her, earning a yelp of pain in response. "Shut up," she whispered. "She's right there; she'll hear you."

Kazuha silently debated if she should turn around and tell the women that she heard every single word they were saying regardless if they were whispering or not, but ultimately decided to stay put. She'd let their conversation entertain her a little bit longer.

"And what makes it worse, I think, is that Hattori's planning to get a ring."

She dropped the pen she was holding in shock.

"You mean he's planning on proposing already?!"

"I told you to keep your voice down! Anyway, I hear that he and Kazuha have known Yamada-san since high school. If that's the case, then it's not so much of a shock, now is it?"

Suddenly Kazuha found it very hard to breathe. If Heiji was going to go out with someone else, she could deal with that. But… marriage? A life commitment to someone other than… her? She tried to suck in a breath – and failed. Her hands went up to scratch at her throat, as if clawing at an invisible hand that would not let her breathe.

_This is Inoue Sayaka._

It's just… things are really pushing me to my limit.

_You know?_

Kazuha fell to the floor from her chair, gasping for breath, one hand at her throat, the other at her heart, which was beating erratically. Her chest was about to burst, she could feel it –

_It's not really worth the effort._

_You have to come back – I demand you to – so we can start over._

Her forehead beaded with sweat as she thrashed about on the floor, attempting to free herself from her invisible killer. Voices in her head that started small eventually started to become louder and louder in volume until they echoed painfully in her ears – they were screaming at her –

_So… I don't think I can handle a relationship anymore. It's not really worth the effort._

_But Kazuha-chan, you know that Hattori-kun didn't mean it that way._

_Can you just look at me, at the very least?_

_Oh man, they're definitely going out._

_And what makes it worse, I think, is that Hattori's planning to get a ring._

_You mean he's planning on proposing already?!_

_It's not really worth the effort._

Her eyes widened as she choked on air, gasping, panting. Someone was trying to kill her. They were going to smother her to death.

_I'm going to die. I'm going to die._

The voices were taunting her, numbing her hands, detaching her from her body –

_It's just… things are really pushing me to my limit. Can you just look at me, at the very least? You mean he's planning on proposing already?! So… I don't think I can handle a relationship anymore. It's not really worth the effort. And what makes it worse, I think, is that Hattori's planning to get a ring._

She vaguely heard her coworkers kneeling over her and screaming at each other to call an ambulance before she slipped out of consciousness.

---

Not talking to her was more difficult than he thought it would be, especially considering that all of the women in the office were spreading rumors about him and Yamada-san. Apparently the newest one was that he was planning on proposing.

Heiji shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him how creative girls could get with rumors. Suddenly, as he was walking down the hall, he heard a stream of colorful curses as well as the sounds of someone fumbling around to his right. He nearly dropped the case reports he was holding in shock. At a second glance, he observed that the noise was coming from Toyama-occhan's office.

The young detective poked his head through the man's door. "Occhan? What's up?"

Toyama glanced at him before throwing his jacket on. "I need to go to the hospital. Something's happened to Kazuha."

Heiji's heart skipped a beat. "You mean, she's in the hospital? When was this? What happened?" Whatever it was couldn't be good. Was she ill? Had she been hit by a car? Had she… died? He forcefully shook his head, as if to rid his brain of the very thought. He was simply thinking of the worst-case scenario. The chance of that actually being true was very little. Still… Even if he was the last person she wanted to see, he had to be there. Something told him that it was the right thing to do. "I'll come with you."

---

"She's had a panic attack. Her medical records indicate no presence of a panic disorder, so she may have been subjected to intense psychological distress of some sort."

Toyama nodded. "And the treatment?"

"We put her on a respirator so she could get her normal breathing pattern back. Since this was her first time, and it was a mild case, we aren't going to give her any medications."

"But she's okay?" Heiji asked.

The doctor smiled slightly. "Yes. As long as she relaxes and gets plenty of rest, she'll be alright."

The two men sighed in relief as the doctor proceeded down the hallway. "Good thing, eh, Occhan?"

---

Despite what the doctor said, she looked so… frail. Unhealthy. The bottom half of Kazuha's face was covered by a plastic mask and her skin looked paler than usual. He hoped it was just the reflection of the white walls.

Toyama asked him to stay and watch over her for a bit, saying that he had to get back to work and that he'd visit her later on in the day.

Heiji pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed and sat. "Don't scare us like that," he murmured, reaching out to gently run his fingers through her hair. "Don't scare _me_ like that."

Kazuha's eyes began to flutter open as his hand drew away. She focused on him, his face, and croaked, "Heiji."

The detective widened his eyes. "Kazuha? You awake?"

She nodded slightly, to which he quickly stood.

"I should get the doctor then, see what's – "

Her hand went out to grab his, and when he looked at her, she shook her head. She didn't care anymore, she really didn't. She was alive, and he was here – he was here with her, and that was all that mattered anymore. He wasn't going off getting married, no, he was here. "Don't go."

Just the look in her eyes was enough to make him stay. He smiled with a gentleness that he didn't think was possible as he turned around and sat back down, his hand tightly grasping hers. "Alright. I won't go anywhere."

---

Kazuha swallowed visibly as she stood at the door. She wasn't exactly sure why she was nervous, especially considering that she wasn't giving him the cold shoulder anymore. He was right there when she woke up in the hospital, and she couldn't have asked for anything more.

She raised her hand to the doorbell and pressed it.

When Heiji opened the door a minute later, he was still in his pajamas (more like boxers and a t-shirt) – go figure; it was only 9 o'clock and he wasn't a morning person. "Hey," he greeted, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and shuddering involuntarily from the cold that was beginning to draft into the house from the doorway.

"Hey," Kazuha responded. "Can I… come in?"

"You don't have to ask twice," he answered quickly, ushering her into the house while closing the door.

She relished the feeling of his hand on her shoulder, and later, the feeling of his warm chest as she rested her head on it.

---

For Kazuha's twenty-second birthday, Heiji took her out for dinner at a nice restaurant that they'd only eaten at once, with their parents. He recalled her saying that the food was better than anything she had ever tasted, so he brought her there.

He wanted her to remember this night, as well.

"Suddenly we're Mr. Suave, eh, Heiji?" she asked with a smile, taking a chaste sip of the wine.

"I try," he replied, smirking, though it only served to cover up his anxiety.

After dinner they shared a tiramisu, and he reminded himself to do it before it was too late, that he brought her here for a reason. His free hand fumbled about in his pocket. He had a whole speech memorized and everything –

But it didn't quite work out the way he wanted as he triumphantly snatched the little box into the air, his glory short-lived as it fell right from his fingers and rolled jaggedly on the tabletop before it stopped right in front of Kazuha's fork. She looked down at it quizzically, silently debating if she should open it or not. Curiosity won, and she lifted the lid, her eyes widening upon seeing the glittering circlet that rested inside.

By then Heiji had forgotten his entire plan and anticipated her response instead. "Well?"

She closed the box with a definitive click, a slow smile spreading across her face. "I'm not a diamond person, Heiji, you know that."

He looked away. "Well, cause I was thinking maybe…"

"And that's why it's too nice to wear right now," she continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "I'll wait till I can get a nice thin chain. Then I'll wear it around my neck so I can keep it close right here," her hand passed over her heart for a moment.

The gods were all too kind to him.

He was confused, and torn, and angry for much of his early twenties, and the thought of spending the rest of his life with Kazuha scared him at one point.

But when he looked at her again with that serene smile on her face, he knew then that there was nothing else that he'd ever want other than a future with her in it.

---

_"I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away._

_I wrote your name on a piece of paper, but it got thrown away._

_I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away._

_So, I wrote your name in my heart and that's where it will stay." – Author Unknown_

End.


End file.
